Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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