Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize