How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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