i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
MIDGETS
????
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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