At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
