my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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