I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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