My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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