Can Purell be used as lube?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Randomize
