I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
