No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
