yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
