I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She is in my trunk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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