Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
