u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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