He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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