just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
