THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
