that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
