Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize