I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We left the knife in your bed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
