I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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