i was born a porn star she said
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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