Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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