New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
