Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
