i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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