Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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