Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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