She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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