Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
