I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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