So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
