i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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