My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
