And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
