he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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