***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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