oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
