I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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