Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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