I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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