he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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