I molested 6 butterflies tonight
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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