I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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