If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
