Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
