He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
