Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
