If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
