You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Too much gin, very little bucket
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
COCAINE IS GR8
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
