i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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