I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pants are for mortals
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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