I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
