he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
