Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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