If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We need to get me chipped asap
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
