i permit you to call me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
