Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
