We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
