You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
