ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
