if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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