You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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