I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize