I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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