i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
