I just cut my nipple shaving
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
