It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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