Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
