I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
