I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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